LISTEN
February 2002
“Nature has given to Man one tongue, but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.”
Epictetus
“Speech is a joint game between the talker and the listener against the forces of confusion. Unless both make the effort, interpersonal communication is quite hopeless.”
Norbert Weiner
in “The Human Use of Human Beings”
WHAT IS LISTENING?
How is it different from hearing?
LISTENING IS:
Taking in information from speakers while remaining non-judgmental and empathetic
Acknowledging the talker in a way that invites the communication to continue
Providing limited but encouraging input to the talker’s response, carrying the person’s idea one step forward
WHAT STOPS US FROM
LISTENING WELL?
Think of your own habits, and bad listeners you know
HABITS OF POOR LISTENERS
Daydreaming
Emotional reaction
Switching out (too technical, complex)
Distractions
Taking too many notes
“Private planning”
MORE HABITS OF POOR LISTENERS
Getting ready to speak
Interrupting
Jumping to conclusions
Finishing sentences
Wandering eyes, poor posture
Changing subject
MORE HABITS OF POOR LISTENERS
No response to speaker
Impatience
Faking it (.: pretending you’re listening)
Fidgeting
WHAT MAKES A GOOD LISTENER
This is more difficult. What good listeners do you know?
What makes them good listeners?
HABITS OF A GOOD LISTENER
Think of a good listener you know
Looks at me
Questions me to clarify what I’m saying
Repeats things back
Doesn’t rush me
Controls emotions
CHECKING AND CLARIFYING
“So, the problem as you see it that…?”
“What specifically do you mean by…?”
“What you seem to be saying is …
is that it?”
“Let me rephrase what I think you’re telling me…?”
HABITS OF A GOOD LISTENER
Reacts responsively; nods, smiles, frowns
Has alert posture
Doesn’t interrupt
Stays on subject until I’ve made my point
TAKING NOTES
Good platforms speakers talk 150-200 words/min.
Don’t try to write it all
Listen for highlights, key ideas
Don’t scribble
Don’t make a big show of writing notes
LOOK INTERESTED
Show encouragement by:
Facing speaker
Keeping eye contact
Leaning forward slightly
Open posture
INQUIRE WITH QUESTIONS
Clarify the speaker’s meaning
Get full story
Use open and closed questions
STAY ON TRACK
Stick to the point. Remember purpose of conversation
Listen for central theme, hidden messages
Wait for full message, don’t prejudge it
Don’t say “yes, but…” Be patient
TEST YOUR UNDERSTANDING
Make sure you understand what you’re hearing
Restate points - play back what you think you’re hearing
EVALUATE THE MESSAGE
Try to work out the speaker’s purpose/ motivation
Analyse what you’re hearing
ANALYSING WHAT YOU HEAR
Logical?
Generalisation?
Evidence?
True or false?
Emotional prejudice?
Fact or assertion?
ANALYSING WHAT YOU HEAR
Whole or part of story?
Language problem?
Body language?
Information source?
Jargon?
Voice tone?
NEUTRAL
Stay calm: keep self-control
Don’t get heated nor emotional
Keep an open mind
SIX WAYS TO IMPROVE LISTENING
L Look interested
I Inquire with questions
S Stay on tract
T Test your understanding
E Evaluate the message
N Neutralise feelings
EMOTIONAL RESPONSE
most active listening
High
Medium
Normal
